Questions to avoid for Inclusivity — Written by a TCK
Have you ever heard of the acronym TCK? I am one. I bet you have met plenty of them. Or you might actually be one yourself!
As a second-generation immigrant growing up in Sweden, I have experienced every advantage and disadvantage of being a Third Culture Kid on my own flesh. The importance of diversity in communities is often undervalued and the reason behind people’s inconsiderate narrative is the lack of information. So I will be your guide and help you identify mistakes that most people have unknowingly made!
Maybe you are someone who can relate to this article, or maybe you are someone who will finally learn and think twice before posing a question to someone of a different culture, ethnicity, or color!
- Where are you from? No, where are you REALLY from?
You might have never imagined, that there are some questions that can cause a little embarrassment, and these kinds of awkward situations are perhaps not made on purpose from your side.
Maybe it is a little bit strange, or maybe it’s clear why this question “Where are you from?” — is one of the most frustrating question among the descendants of immigrants. In my case if I answer properly — “I am from Sweden”, some people laugh and reply “No, I meant.. Where are you really from?” because I do not look like the typical Swede. Hearing this over and over again, I’ve come to the conclusion that what people are really interested in is my ethnicity.. Or actually no, when I incorrectly answer ”I am from Hong Kong”, they tell me ”But.. You don’t seem like the typical hongkonger?”. Does this mean the only correct way of answering this question is to explain the whole history of my ancestors, and which family member was born where? Okay okay, yes, I am born and raised in Sweden with ancestors from Hong Kong. But the answer to the question “Where are you from” is still Sweden for me!
What people don’t realize is that these questions can be quite intimidating for TCKs, adopted individuals, expats, travellers, immigrants or someone who might suffer from an identity crisis. Ofcourse, some can really enjoy it when foreigners get interested in their ancestry (even I do), but keep in mind how your questions are formulated. Don’t expect to get the answer you were looking for when You were the one who formulated the question wrong.
- Are you from China? (Assumptions)
Another vital issue to discuss is having assumptions. Asking questions and having had formulated an answer beforehand is considered another form of unthoughtfulness. Questions like — “Are you from China?” or “Do you have a boyfriend?”, are the ones in which the questioner hints at the answer. You never know if a person is in the LGBTQ+ community or just experimenting or straight.
On the other hand, supposing that all Asian people are from China is also inconsiderate. People living on the same continent certainly look alike but it doesn’t mean that they share the same hometown.
When I travel, I get quite tired of people on the streets who come up to me asking “Are you Chinese”, “Are you Vietnamese”, “Are you Korean”, “Are you this or that”.
Ask your questions right! Avoid assumptions in questions.
- “Ni Hao” (Stop being impolite)
When people on the street come up to me saying “Ni Hao” or whatever language they know, I’m always thinking what they gain from it? Some people do it to impress, some people do it do be annoying. If it is to impress or to use it as a pick-up line, let me then tell you it is not working. The only thing these people have proved is that they don’t understand that the world’s population is so big that not everyone speak chinese. What if I am vietnamese/thai/korean/japanese/adopted? Stop assuming, you are just rude.
- Do you eat dogs? (Respect individualism)
7.9 billion people live in this world, and with everyone having a unique fingerprint and eye bulb, people with two identical characters, interests, or physical features don’t exist. Stereotypes imply that certain groups of people are the same. On the contrary, if you do some research, you’ll discover that most of them are ridiculous. For example:
1. You are from Africa, you love chicken and you are a fast runner.
2. You are Asian, you definitely must be an expert in math, eat rice every day, or even own a rice cooker.
3. You are Japanese, you are an anime lover and love sushi.
4. Chinese people eat dogs and bats!
5. If you are from the middle east, you support violence.
6. You are from Latin America, you are extroverted.
7. You are Russian, you love Vodka and drink all the time.
The list goes on. It is a bit comical that some people truthfully believe that these statements fit into everyone from the same countries. Yes sure, some Russians love Vodka. But it is unneccessary to assume and comment that to every Russian that you meet. Even if you say it as a joke, always be considerate of your audience. I admit, these kind of jokes can be funny if they are said by the right people at the right time. But I can’t count how many times I have heard these assumptions in inappropriate situations, and the question receiver had to pretend laughing to brush off a lame stereotypical joke just to be nice. The interesting part is that the person making the joke really believed that he/she was hilarious.
- What do you think about Putin and the war? (Be considerate)
You probably have not missed the ongoing war initiated by Russia towards Ukraine. I have been around people with origin from Russia and new acquaintances would ask them “What is your opinion on the war?”, “What do you think about Putin?”, “How do you feel about Ukraine?” etc. These questions are interesting, for sure. But imagine how many times someone has asked these questions to them as soon as they say that they are Russian.
My point here is that everytime there are big news headlines on a country, immigrants from these countries often face racism. Take covid for example — people started to avoid Asians, and chinese people could get the question “Why do you eat bats?” as a joke. My reminder to you is to act like “people of etnicities” are the same normal people even when the media has written about their countries. Before you formulate a question, try to be considerate that others might have asked the same question over and over again to the person you are talking to.
Be Kind
My parents moved to Sweden in their twenties, meaning there is a good reason they don’t speak Swedish like native people. As an example, while my mother once tried to explain something to a cashier who didn’t understand what my mother was saying because of her “broken” Swedish, the cashier acted rude and looked at me, expecting me to explain for my mother instead. Why would you ignore someone who is trying to speak in a language that you do understand? There are immigrants, expats and travellers out there who are trying their hardest to learn the local language, so give them a chance to practice and do make a small effort — Listen! Being nice is free of charge. Smile, be patient and be polite!
According to data published by the International Organization of Immigration in 2021, there are 281 million international migrants worldwide. As for Sweden, up to 14% of the country’s population are immigrants. Imagine how many youngsters, parents, elderly have to put up with just because of different skin color, face structure, or different accents.
Final Words
And yes, we are humans, we make mistakes that sometimes lead to awkward situations. But keeping in mind to stop judging or making stereotypical assumptions, and instead showing curiosity and asking questions politely, will make anyone a better person. Note that showing interest in the person you’re talking to is a paramount quality to have in the conversation.
